at the age of 20, half a year to 21..
im a young man on the cusp of adulthood,
standing at the edge,
knocking on the door,
sitting on the wall.
either way, im turning 21 really soon!
and its only recently which ive come to realise that ive been wasting a lot of precious time AND resources in the past. a past which im not keen to remember nor relive.
now what, or rather who made me come to my senses shall remain shrouded in mystery. though if you bother to try it really isnt too hard to guess.
ive taken a look back at myself. and sometimes i feel dumb.
i spent so much time playing games. playing till the wee hours of the morning. then sleeping in till 11 or 12. then go out and spend money. then repeating the same old process the same night.
im rather ashamed of myself. im 20. and ive achieved nothing. and sometimes, i look back and ask myself..
would things have been different if i studied harder and not just strive for a pass?
honestly i wouldnt care. a pass is still a pass.
but ive come to realise that things go way deeper than that. and im not the only person im striving for.
i lost interest in my course at Temasek Poly. i really hated that. i didnt want to study. i failed on purpose. granted i didnt understand the math. and i didnt turn up for supp paper. i just wanted out of it.
i strived for a pass in MDIS, in a course that i found to be interesting, thinking that it wouldnt matter. what mattered would be the cert. but turns out im wrong.
it wouldnt look good with just Bs and Cs. im just an average student like everybody else.
i dont want to just be anybody else.
ive decided.. i really need to do something productive with my life after i finish NS. like it or not im putting up with it for 2 years. it passes faster if i think this way.
im growing up. certain things hold more importance to me now. i dont want to waste any more time.
i want to make my loved ones proud.i want to give my loved ones a good life.i want to be somebody they can look up to.in 2009, i really want things to be different.
for starters, ive signed up for basic french. its something i really want to learn and master.
thats another matter altogether.
and i hope to continue this post soon. like a resolution of sorts.
right now i need to sleep. ive got camp tomorrow.
goodnight!
